Frustration is only the tip of the iceburg

You know I've been eating better.  Drinking more water and less pop and sweet tea. 

I'm trying to stay more active and not let myself be sitting still for more than 15 minutes, for as much of the day as I can manage.

I pick the healthiest option when we have takeout if I can.

But it's still not showing up on the scale.

I'm sure you're saying well Nikki your not doing something right if you are still not losing weight.

And your right, I'm not.  I'm STILL not watching my portions like I should.  And I'm STILL not exercising.
But for the most part, I'm doing sooo much better than I was 6 months ago.  Yet 6 months ago I weighed less.

Apparently my changes aren't building up and making a difference.  They aren't big enough when I kill it by not paying attention to how much I eat and not working out.

We're in the middle of a move right now, I've been on the go with that and school and now my son's soccer games and practices.  The last thing on my mind is eating other than making sure I get dinner on the table and the kids fed.  Half the time I don't eat lunch until mid afternoon because I've forgotten.  And breakfast many days is my lunch.  I KNOW this is also a huge culprit, but when I'm not hungry I don't think of food. 

I reread all my posts here, hoping it will motivate me to pay attention and to actually do the work but so far it's not working.  I avoid the mirror as much as possible, feel like a huge blimp in everything I wear and just give up trying to look good.  I can't focus enough on me to pay attention to what I'm eating because my brain is on everyone and everything else.  It's my fault I look and feel like this, it's my fault and it's my problem to fix.  I want to fix it, I'm sick of this crap. 

But I'm not fixing it.  No matter how hard I try to do better, I'm still failing.  And it pisses me off.